By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
