dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
