i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
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i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
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He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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