You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
