I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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