I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
