He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
