Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
