So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
