dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
