Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
