Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
