Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
