I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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