somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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