She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
