Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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