why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
