fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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