whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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