Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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