I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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