oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
