does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
