I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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