Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
