"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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