That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
