I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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