I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
