I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
