actually, I'm a sock model
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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