Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
