I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
