I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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