dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
