Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.