6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
These 25 Drunks Shouldâ€™ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?