My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
