great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
