I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
