Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
