I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
