I met the friendliest cop last night
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
True strength comes from lack of pants
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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