i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
