the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
