i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cannot find my penis.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
