What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
