i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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