Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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