Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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