If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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