i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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