We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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