nut hugger
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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