can we get nightvision for the apartment?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
