ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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