i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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