Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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