I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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