I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
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No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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