Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
