i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
