i think my tv is drunk
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
