I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Porn is love you can see.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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