Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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