So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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