my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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