It's Friday. Sex?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
