During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
