Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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