I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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