I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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