ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
