I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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