Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
