dude i'm inner monologue high
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
