Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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