If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
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just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
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Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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