We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
